EXT / INT. / Out side of prison (Main square)/Prison ( Jail cell )
Ali waiting for Mario to be released out of prison outside the main square.
Mario comes out of prison with a black bag in his hand . he looks around and walks towards Ali's car .
Ali : Yo Mario ! long time no see man .
Mario : Ali man how is it going ? .
Ali : I am good man i have done a lot since you
have gone man .
Ali : how was the tuff four years man ? .
Mario : Very tuff man i got attacked twice .
Ali pulls out and drives off to his house .
INT. / Ali house / Night
Ali : Catch you tomorrow Mario
Mario : Safe
Mario and Ali fall asleep
INT. / Ali house / 10am Morning
Mario and ali Sleep on the sofa
Mario : i got you a job Ali lets go
Ali : huh ?
Mario : i said i got you a job !
Ali : Yes man , safe lets go .
EXT / INT. / Mario house (main room)/Out side (Mario car)
Mario : You drive ali
Mario throws his keys to Ali
Ali : Ok lets go
A promising start here Zak, I have made some scene-by-scene notes to help you with redrafting your script.
ReplyDeleteEXT / INT. / Out side of prison (Main square)/Prison ( Jail cell )
You need to describe the appearance of your characters at the start of each scene.
Also think about the stage directions. What do your characters do as they speak to each other?
INT. / Ali house / Night
This scene needs stage directions and a description of the location.
Where do Mario and Ali fall asleep?
INT. / Ali house / 10am Morning
Good start to the scene here. You need to slightly rework the events. They do not wake up according to this, although they are speaking, and Mario's line comes out of nowhere. A little more detail and this will be a good scene.
EXT / INT. / Mario house (main room)/Out side (Mario car)
This scene needs stage directions and a description of the location as well. You need to write what your characters are doing as well as what they are saying.